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The Galactic Observer likes to imagine that he or she is Mr. Spock, Sherlock Holmes, and Uatu the Watcher rolled up into one cosmically detached intelligence. In the vast majority of cases they come off more like Andrew Wells, only not as funny. Many of the following are verbatim quotes collected in the wild:

  • This is a fascinating demonstration of irrational thought and behavior.
  • I'm just trying to understand what you people think.
  • I came here expecting a civil and thoughtful exchange, but...
  • Yes, but I have superior perceptions of objective reality.
  • I am a strong believer in {my religion}, and therefore cannot be lying.
  • I, like others here, debated with themselves on whether to address things said on the post. However, my Kantian induced ethics says that if my sense of rightness requires it, I must.
  • I stated in my first post that my intention was to put forth a devil's advocate argument. My intentions were clear and clearly stated. Your choice to wilfully misunderstand me is not the same as me being unclear.
  • I intended no harm. I intended no overt disrespect – only to clearly, briefly and in the most neutral terms to state what it was I wanted to offer to the discussion. I intended to allow everyone the space to have whatever reaction they would have. “So be it.” I take none of it personally.
  • How could I take it all personally? Everyone commenting had their own interpretations of my words and intentions – a score of phantom {username}s that for each was their very own to abuse and educate. Bits and shards of real information flew past, collided with each other and changed; I gathered up what felt useful, thank you.
    The anthropologist in me was dazzled. This was truly a tribal moment – the war chants, dance moves, arias, keening, flaring intellectual plumage, the spontaneous debates and fact-checking, secret jokes and handshakes – it had a life of its own, and I was a spectator.
  • I am an electronic ghost. There is the human sitting at the laptop, typing, but each of you had an Enemy in mind. Who was that? What person waybackwhen put you in fight-or-flight passion about this topic – so that a trigger word could put you in a frenzy of righteousness?

Note: the use of "amused" or "interested" can indicate that you're dealing with a Galactic Observer. For instance:

  • Actually, I find this whole thing funny. By all means, continue to amuse me.
  • "No, I’m not a troll but rather the opposite: My viewpoints are based upon reality and practicality rather than the modern religion of pseudo-equality and entitlements. ... The notion of {the opposing viewpoint} is quite amusing."
  • I find it interesting that many of the people on this thread {accusation of hypocrisy}.

Bear in mind that a subset of Galactic Observers are under twenty, and stand a good chance of improving with age. Another overlapping but non-identical subset is autistic or has Asperger's syndrome. If you have the time to work with them, both subsets will sometimes respond well to "Let me show you how to be even better at what you're doing."

Closely related maneuvers:

Self-valorization

You people

You just think that because you're irrational

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